A blur that is coming into focus

We were asked to set a goal before the internship started. I wanted to learn how to use light -- maybe use my flash once in awhile. It was the one piece of gear I carried constantly and rarely used in fear of messing up the exposure. Well, not only have I learned how to use a flash, but I have re-learned how to walk, talk and dress myself in terms of shooting.

I arrived at my internship plump from feasting at the CQS orientation, fresh off the holiday season. Now, I must consciously pull up my pants when I kneel to shoot low-angle shots; my clothes hang with a distinct looseness, my body hardened from morning runs at Santa Fe’s high elevation and weeks of erratic meals.

It’s been a blur. I feel as if I have been here only briefly; I think again and feel like I’ve been here forever. Not a day has passed that I don’t create tiny catastrophes or make a prime target of a good critique. At times, my list of mistakes grows faster than my lists of triumphs. My days are amazingly full. I operate with the distinct desperation of an intern who is afraid of leaving with the feeling that more could have been done. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, there’s a lot on my mind. But I will look back one day and realize that it was a breeze.

-- Susanica Tam, University of Southern California, Santa Fe New Mexican